To lay my head...
Sorry to everyone that reads my blog. I have had so many things going on that I haven't had time to get on here and write a post. Of course I have a lot of updates in my life to talk about. Me and Jamie have finally moved into the house that I posted about earlier, we are all settled and loving it! We got all of our furniture set up, and now we just need to decorate our naked walls.. Hopefully we can start doing that soon, we have talked about what we want, and luckily Jamie and I have very similar taste so we will be able to set up the house in a way that we both will be happy with.
I have been doing tattoos like crazy lately to help with the expenses of the new place, hopefully eventually the dust will settle and I will be able to slow down just a little and focus on some other things in my life. Icarus ink has been sitting on the backburner because of me being so busy, but I hope to be pushing that venture a little more very soon, I plan on making some new t-shirts for KHP in the next week or so. I would love to have another t-shirt design for people to buy at our upcoming shows. Speaking of KHP, last weekend we finally stepped back into the studio and recorded another song. Right now it is in the production stage, we hope to be able to release that soon and get it to the public through all of our various websites. I can't wait for you all to hear it, I think it is my favorite out of all the songs we have.
For those of you who read my blog, or know me personally know that I have made a lot of changes in my life in the last couple of years. I was doing a lot of thinking about things yesterday, and I would like to share my thoughts.
A few years ago, I started to look at my life and the direction that it was going, and I realized that I was not happy at all with how things were and I didn't like who I had let myself become. I decided that I had to make a change! The changes started internally and slowly started to move up front and effect different aspects of my life. I had realized that I was slowly letting myself slip into a meaningless "American Dream" life, and that just does not fit me. Just like with any change, people tend to not respond very well. They assume that the change means that you are steering away from who you truly are. In my case, I was already becoming something that was not true to myself and so the change was desperately needed to preserve who I really am.
Most of these changes have been made now, and I feel like I am on a path that is a lot more true to me. I am a lot happier and I, for the first time in years, recognize the person in the mirror. However, I have ran into one little speedbump in all of my changes. Even though it is something that I want and need and did on my own, one thing that I didn't take into account is my perception of my new life. There are certain things that I don't yet know how to handle or how to deal with. I have been doing some deep reflecting lately and realized that although I have changed everything in my life, what I didn't change is my old way of thinking. I found myself perceiving things as I would have in my old life, and that just does not work. So now my next big task is undoing the last 10 years of emotional abuse I have done to myself and try and start with a clean slate. I am working on changing my initial reactions to life situations because even though my conscious mind is up to speed, my subconscious mind is reacting how it would have before. It has become quite a problem for me, so I am deeply hoping that I can change it, that it isn't too far ingrained into my personality.
Well there it is, so I have to say to all the people that say I have changed... This is me, I hope you can accept that because I am going to continue my life this way. Never again will I let myself slip into a life that I don't want.
I have been doing tattoos like crazy lately to help with the expenses of the new place, hopefully eventually the dust will settle and I will be able to slow down just a little and focus on some other things in my life. Icarus ink has been sitting on the backburner because of me being so busy, but I hope to be pushing that venture a little more very soon, I plan on making some new t-shirts for KHP in the next week or so. I would love to have another t-shirt design for people to buy at our upcoming shows. Speaking of KHP, last weekend we finally stepped back into the studio and recorded another song. Right now it is in the production stage, we hope to be able to release that soon and get it to the public through all of our various websites. I can't wait for you all to hear it, I think it is my favorite out of all the songs we have.
A few years ago, I started to look at my life and the direction that it was going, and I realized that I was not happy at all with how things were and I didn't like who I had let myself become. I decided that I had to make a change! The changes started internally and slowly started to move up front and effect different aspects of my life. I had realized that I was slowly letting myself slip into a meaningless "American Dream" life, and that just does not fit me. Just like with any change, people tend to not respond very well. They assume that the change means that you are steering away from who you truly are. In my case, I was already becoming something that was not true to myself and so the change was desperately needed to preserve who I really am.
Most of these changes have been made now, and I feel like I am on a path that is a lot more true to me. I am a lot happier and I, for the first time in years, recognize the person in the mirror. However, I have ran into one little speedbump in all of my changes. Even though it is something that I want and need and did on my own, one thing that I didn't take into account is my perception of my new life. There are certain things that I don't yet know how to handle or how to deal with. I have been doing some deep reflecting lately and realized that although I have changed everything in my life, what I didn't change is my old way of thinking. I found myself perceiving things as I would have in my old life, and that just does not work. So now my next big task is undoing the last 10 years of emotional abuse I have done to myself and try and start with a clean slate. I am working on changing my initial reactions to life situations because even though my conscious mind is up to speed, my subconscious mind is reacting how it would have before. It has become quite a problem for me, so I am deeply hoping that I can change it, that it isn't too far ingrained into my personality.
Well there it is, so I have to say to all the people that say I have changed... This is me, I hope you can accept that because I am going to continue my life this way. Never again will I let myself slip into a life that I don't want.
I am very intrigued. You talk about your perceptions and your "old way of thinking". I would love to hear a few examples of this because it is possibe that I may be misunderstanding your point. But your "old way of thinking" is probably in line with the true you and put you on the path to making all these changes, so why would you feel the need to change that? I guess I don't understand why that wouldn't align well with your new life. Hope we can have a chat soon.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to explain, With change there is always more unexpected change. I had a warped understanding of how life was supposed to be, I am learning now that what I thought was right or normal, was actually a very disfunctional way of living and dealing with life. So now I am making the needed changed to be more mentally healthy.
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