A Final Goodbye!

 If you have been reading my blogs, then you know all about the story of me and my grandfather, if you haven't read them then you should scroll through my blog to get a little of the history.  My Grandad has been pretty ill for the last few months, he had once fought the battle against prostate cancer, but recently the cancer returned and spread to the rest of his body.  There was absolutely no fighting it this time.  A couple of weeks ago we received the news that he only had a week or two left to live.  I gave him a call, and even though he was tired and on a lot of pain medication he took the time to talk to me.  It was of course a very depressing phone call.  He told me all about how he knew that the end was near, about how my Nana took such great care of him.  He told me that he needs to go soon so that he can give my Nana a break.  Not something I wanted to hear him say.  On a good note, he told me how proud he is of me for everything that I do, especially the music.  He said, "You are a good kid Kris, I have always thought that".  He told me that he has a hard time keeping long conversations and that he was too tired to talk. We said our goodbyes which I knew would be our final words, told each other "I Love You" and he hung up the phone.

At 9 p.m. on Monday, the day after my Birthday, I got a call from my Mom.  She was calling to tell me that he had passed away.  At first I just thought "ok, we were all expecting this" but then my emotions took over.  It seems that no matter how much time you have to prepare yourself for this kind of thing, it never gets any easier.  One of the really hard things about my situation that I have learned when I have lost other family members in England, is that it is a very hard thing to come to terms with.  Because they live so far away and I don't get to see them very often, I am used to them not being around.  I can't go to his house and see that he is not there.  I can't go to his funeral and face the acceptance of his death.  All that I have is the knowledge that he is gone.  I can't really explain it too much, but for some reason it is just a harder pill to swallow when you don't get to go through the stages of mourning that most people go through when they lose a loved one.

At the top of this blog is a picture that my sister took when I invited him on stage the last time they visited.  I had him sign it.  He put his initials on the front and on the back he wrote "We Starred Together".  I am so grateful to have had that experience and also to give him that experience.  It is a memory that I wouldn't trade for anything.  He is definitely a star!

With my Grandad living so far away and coming to visit, it seems that I have always been saying goodbye and wondering if it will be the last.  So, after a lifetime of goodbyes, here is my last goodbye to my Idol, my Inspiration, my Motivation, my Muse, and my Wonderful Grandad.  Thank you for everything that you gave me.  I hope that you will find peace in that meadow of bluebells. 

GOODBYE GRANDAD, I LOVE YOU!