Vacation to real life - a tough transition

Once again I have been lacking the desire to write over the past few months, but I have been reflecting on some recent events and was struck with the urge to write down how I am feeling right now to see if it helps to get it out there and off my chest.  I will try to come back to this blog in a couple of days because there have been a lot of new things in our life that I really need to write about. But, for now...

Our family just recently returned from an awesome trip to Disneyland/California Adventures/Venice Beach. We had such a good time.  My oldest son Sabien hugged me pretty much every hour saying "Disneyland is AWESOME! Thank you for bringing us".  The boys got to see the ocean and play in the waves for the first time in their life (which they couldn't get enough of).  Every one of the kids had so many happy moments through the week, even the hotel room was exciting for the kids.  It feels so good to be able to do that for my kids and create some good experiences and memories.  I owe a huge "Thank You" to my wife Jamie for always planning these kind of things for our family, she has made all of our lives so much better over the last couple of years and the happiness just keeps pouring out of us all.

I have to explain to you the feelings that I said I needed to get off my chest.  I am the happiest I have ever been in my life.  Finding someone as perfect for me as my wife has helped me raise our quality of life.  We compliment each other and work together as a team to make our hopes and dreams a reality.  Because of this I have been able to expand my experiences more than I ever thought I could before our family was formed,  those experiences are on a whole new level now because of how happy I am.  The issue that I have come across in my own mind, is finding it hard not to cling to these moments.  Every time we plan a vacation or outing, we have an amazing time.  I come home and look at the pictures and reflect on the fun times that we had and I find that my heart aches to have it back.  I never want it to be over!  I have never been this kind of person, so I have no idea where it comes from.  Is it because I spent so many years unhappy making me fear that this feeling wont last or come again?  Is it because I am getting older and appreciate the good times more than I did when I was younger?  I never have been the kind of person that spends a lot of time looking in the rear view mirror, but I think that may be because what has always been behind me is worse than what lies ahead. I think that maybe for the first time in my life both the road ahead and the road behind are bright and happy and I haven't quite figured out how to deal with that.  Like I said before, I am just trying to get this out there to see if it relieves some of the ache that I feel. I know that I just need to look forward and more good times will be coming in the future, but I wanted to record and share the fact that I am having these feelings right now.  I am so excited for my life ahead with my family.  I finally feel what it is like to truly LOVE LIFE and I can't wait until I have fully accepted that this is my life now, that I have arrived to true happiness!

P.S. Today is Jamie's 25th Birthday. Happy Birthday Love. Thank You for all that you do, I Love You!!